Stuck in a Loop? It Might Be a Growth Spiral
Have you ever had one of those moments where you think you've got your new life all figured out, only to find yourself judging someone's tattoos or feeling weirdly uncomfortable about a friend's dating choices? Just when you thought you'd shed all the religious programming, there it is again, showing up like an uninvited guest at your personal growth party.
If you feel like you’re always running into the same frustrations over and over again in your personal growth journey, I have another potential explanation for you. You might not actually actually be stuck in a loop. You might be spiraling upward instead.
Progress is never a straight line from point A to point B. It's more like climbing a spiral staircase - you might pass the same spot multiple times, but you're actually moving upward with each loop. And that’s not a bad thing! When you revisit old territory from a new perspective, you’ll often gain a new and deeper understanding of yourself and the world around you.
Breaking Free: The First Layer
The initial rush of liberation when you first walk away from a controlling environment can feel instantly gratifying and amazing. Maybe it was sleeping in on a Sunday, watching that "forbidden" TV show, or ordering a drink at dinner without guilt. These early experiences can be mind-boggling, like finally breaking out of a cage you didn't even know you were in.
But beneath that first layer of freedom, there's usually deeper work waiting. You might surprise yourself by discovering subconscious beliefs you didn't even know you had. Perhaps you've found yourself judging people for reasons that no longer make sense to you, or feeling anxious about situations that you wish didn’t bother you anymore.
When Your Past Self Crashes the Party
These moments when your past beliefs show up uninvited aren't failures.They're opportunities for deeper healing. Each time you notice an old pattern or mindset surfacing, you're actually getting better at recognizing your own programming. That awareness itself is progress, even when it doesn't feel like it.
Understanding the Growth Spiral
Each time you loop back to an old issue, you’re bringing new wisdom and experience to the table. Maybe you've already worked through purity culture's impact on your dating life, but now you're seeing how it affected your body image too. Or perhaps you thought you'd moved through a lot of your religious trauma, only to discover new layers when you became a parent.
Repetition Doesn’t Mean You’re Stuck
What feels like running into the same issues over and over might actually be encountering similar challenges from a different perspective. Every time you notice yourself falling into old patterns, you're building the muscle of self-awareness. Each loop is actually an opportunity to understand yourself better.
This process isn’t always easy or comfortable. Just like a spiral staircase might make you feel dizzy at first, this journey can feel disorienting. But as you continue on, you’ll begin to see your growth in a different light.
Recognizing Progress
You might pass your old church and realize that this time you just roll your eyes and keep driving instead of getting anxious. Or maybe you notice that conversations with religious family members that used to leave you shaking with rage now just feel mildly annoying. These subtle shifts are signs of growth.
The situation might be similar, but your perspective has evolved. Your emotional responses are less intense, your boundaries are clearer, and your sense of self is stronger.
It’s Not a Race
Personal growth and trauma recovery aren’t exactly a destination that you’re supposed to get to as quickly as possible. They’re life-long practices, so take your time! Learning coping skills to keep you grounded is an important way to keep yourself from getting too dizzy on the way up the spiral.
Consider keeping a journal to help you notice patterns and progress. Simple prompts like "What triggered me today?" or "What would my younger self think about this?" can show you how far you’ve come when you’re feeling stuck.
Finding Your People
One of the most valuable ways to stay grounded is finding people who understand this journey. Seek out others who have left high-control religions or who are doing their own deep internal work. Find a therapist who can help remind you of how far you’ve come and offer resources along the way.
When the Spiral Feels Heavy
Constant self-reflection can get exhausting, especially for neurodivergent folks, who can often become hyperfixated on personal growth. You might feel tired of examining every belief, questioning every reaction, or processing every emotion. Feeling fatigue is normal and valid. Deconstructing a lifetime of religious indoctrination takes a huge amount of emotional energy.
Taking Breaks Without Guilt
Just like any other kind of growth or healing, you’ll need to allow yourself to rest. It's okay to take breaks, to have days (or weeks) where you just live your life without analyzing it. The spiral will still be there when you're ready to engage again.
Sometimes you might need to step back because the emotional weight feels too heavy to carry alone. This might be a sign that it's time to seek additional support - whether that's from a therapist who understands religious trauma, a support group for others on similar journeys, or trusted friends who can help share the load.
Embracing the Ongoing Journey
WIth another new year on the way, it can be tempting to set ambitious goals for "completing" your personal growth. Try to remember that healing isn't a destination or a race.
Instead of pressuring yourself to "fix" things with rigid resolutions, try setting some gentle intentions.
Notice patterns without judgment
Practice self-compassion when old beliefs surface
Celebrate moments of choosing authenticity over conditioning
Honor your own pace and process
Finding Joy in Evolution
Making peace with imperfection might be the most revolutionary act of all. Your journey doesn't need to look like anyone else's. You don't need to heal in a straight line or reach some imaginary finish line of complete liberation.
The real freedom lives in finding joy in the evolution itself. Each spiral upward brings new insights, deeper understanding, and greater compassion for yourself and others.
If you're feeling stuck in what seems like endless loops of the same issues, remember: spirals only look like circles from above. You're climbing, growing, and evolving - even when it doesn't feel like it. And you're not climbing alone.
