Just Another Sunday: Easter Ideas for Former Christians
With Easter just around the corner, there are a lot of former church kids wondering what they’re going to do this year. Whether it’s your first Easter after leaving church or your 10th, complicated feelings can still arise around this time of year for many deconstructing Christians.
As with Christmas, Easter lives in that strange intersection between being both a religious and secular holiday. There’s no avoiding the reminders that it’s coming, even if you no longer go to church. If you grew up taking part in Easter productions, having special church services on Easter week, or gathering with family and friends on Easter Sunday, you might feel a sense of loss as you distance yourself from these traditions.
When Leaving Feels Like Loss
Even if you feel happy to be out of church and are fulfilled in your new life, there is still often a sense of loss when you stop engaging in traditions that were previously significant to you. Traditions and rituals can connect us to larger groups through creating shared experiences. Even when you no longer believe in the things you did before, it can still feel painful to distance yourself from the rituals that in the past made you feel so connected to those around you.
It’s important to honor these feelings. Recognize that just because you feel a sense of loss doesn’t mean you have made a bad choice or done anything wrong. Many folks were taught that any time they experienced difficult emotions, they were being “convicted” of wrongdoing and should reconsider their choice. However, feelings of loss when walking away from something familiar are incredibly normal, even when you are confident in your decision.
Find Out What’s Missing
Instead of trying to ignore feelings of loss, consider what it is that you are missing. Are you missing the connection you felt with loved ones and your larger church community on days like Easter? Are you missing the inspiration of feeling part of something larger than yourself? Are you missing the feelings of wonder and mystery surrounding the story of resurrection, new life, and redemption?
Maybe you were always a part of the Easter productions, and miss feeling involved in a core group of people. Maybe you always planned the children’s activities, and miss the joy and wonder you saw in their faces on special holidays.
Really take some time to sit with any feelings of loss or sadness, and see if you can identify what aspects of your experience you are longing for. You might be surprised at what comes up for you as you allow your feelings to exist and approach them with curiosity and compassion.
Filling In the Gaps
Once you’ve identified what it is that you’re missing, you can start to create your own traditions and rituals for yourself and your family. Here are some ideas to get you started, but make sure to check in with yourself and do what feels good to you.
Connection with Loved Ones
If you miss the business and excitement of Easter Sunday, consider how you might create your own Easter celebration. Plan an egg hunt, delicious meal, or special gathering for your friends and family. Plan games and activities for the kids, decorate, or do anything else that will make it feel like a special day.
Inspiration of Something Bigger
Being part of something bigger than yourself is a desire that most people have. Luckily, there are many ways to find community outside the walls of a church. Volunteer at a local organization you care about, join an active online community you feel comfortable in, or look into local community groups such as community theaters, choirs, or clubs.
Wonder and Mystery
For many people, springtime can be a time of wonder at the new life seen in nature. There is a certain sense of ritual inherent to the changing seasons. We can experience awe at the new growth and baby animals of spring, and relish the feeling of renewal and warmth after a long winter. Watch the sunrise, go on a long walk, or visit a nature center. There are so many ways to connect to nature and feel the wonder and mystery of new life beginning again.
Make It Your Own
The reality is, Easter didn’t start out as a Christian holiday. It’s not something you have to do away with entirely when you leave church, either! There are plenty of ways to enjoy the holiday with your loved ones (I promise you don’t even have to make a giant paper mache stone to roll away from any pretend graves!)
This year, take some time to consider what it is you appreciate about spring, renewal, new life, and redemption. Then make it your own, without all the baggage of the religious holiday you grew up with.
It Doesn’t Have to Be All or Nothing
Just because your family made Easter all about the resurrection story, you don’t have to do the same. Many folks leaving strict backgrounds can feel the urge to approach things as all or nothing. Either you celebrate Easter the way your family did, or you avoid it all together.
While for some people, the choice to do away with the celebrations entirely might feel good, others might desire to incorporate new traditions into their life as a way to honor the things they still value. Remember that holidays, traditions, and rituals are what you make of them, and there’s no wrong way to celebrate. You are in charge of your own life, and you get to ask yourself what you want out of each situation that arises!
Talk Through Your Values
You might not be sure what it is that you value about tradition and rituals anymore, and that’s okay too! If you’re looking to sort through some of the complicated feelings that come from deconstructing your religion, I would love to chat with you to see if I could be a good support for you on your journey.
Please don’t hesitate to reach out to me via my contact page, or check out my approach to therapy here.
