The Queer Art Of Survival: Self-Care During Chaotic Times
For many LGBTQ+ folks and other marginalized communities, survival has always been something of an art form. Learning to read rooms, making decisions about who to trust, and finding joy in unexpected places were all things we had to learn in order to make it through difficult seasons.
Especially for those who were raised in high-control religions and strict families of origin, we had to use these skills long before the current wave of anti-LGBTQ+ legislation, polarizing politics, and general world chaos came knocking at our rainbow doors.
Even the most well-supported and confident survivors can feel the weight of everything happening around us right now. If you've been especially drained, anxious, or just plain exhausted lately, you're certainly not alone. There's a lot going on, and it's okay to acknowledge that it's affecting you.
The Impact of Ongoing Stress
Experiencing ongoing stress after surviving trauma can be a particularly tricky experience. Many of my clients spent years in hypervigilant states, constantly scanning for threats to their emotional and physical safety.
For many marginalized people, existing in high-control spaces (and even just society in general) can feel like trying to navigate a field full of landmines. Even when we’ve escaped and moved on, our nervous systems often respond as if we're right back in those unsafe situations when new stressors pop up.
Your body might be sending you signals that it's time to focus on some intentional self-care if you're experiencing:
Disrupted sleep or exhaustion even after sleeping
Increased physical pain or tension
Difficulty focusing or making decisions
Heightened emotional responses
Return of religious nightmares or intrusive thoughts
Increased fear about safety
A Note About Media-Related Stress:
It's completely understandable if you're still processing events that others seem to have "moved on" from. The 24-hour news cycle might have shifted to something new, but our bodies and minds don't process trauma and distress according to media timelines. And right now, there are enough distressing pieces of news in any given 24 hours to keep your nervous system busy for months.
Self-Care Practices for Challenging Times
During extra stressful times, it might be easy to feel like self-care is indulgent or out-of-touch. But in reality, taking care of yourself first is the only way to sustain the energy you’ll need to support the efforts you care about. And beyond that, self-care in and of itself can be a practice of resisting oppression.
These practices aren't about "fixing" how you feel or ignoring what’s going on in the world – they're about creating enough space to move through your emotions without being completely overwhelmed by them.
These are just a few ideas to get you thinking about small ways you can take care of yourself. You might want to make a list of a few things that work for your body and abilities and put it somewhere you’ll see it regularly.
Reconnect With Your Body
Place one hand on your heart, one on your belly, and take 3-5 slow breaths. Stretch for 5 minutes in the morning or before bed. Take a shower or bath with your full attention on the sensations you’re feeling. Step outside and feel the sun/wind/rain on your skin, even if just for a moment. Snuggle with a loved one or spend time with a pet.
Regulate Your Mind and Emotions
Name what you're feeling without judgment: "I'm feeling tightness in my chest right now." Write down your thoughts in a big list to get them all out, and then remind yourself that they will all still be there if you take time to rest or enjoy yourself. Go for a walk or talk to a friend. Take time to notice one good or beautiful thing a day, and focus on really appreciating it.
Create Healthy Media Boundaries
Designate specific times to check the news rather than constant scrolling. Curate your social media to include sources of joy and beauty. Consider a "no phone in bed" policy for the first and last 30 minutes of your day. Ask a trusted friend to filter important news for you if you need a complete break. Remind yourself that you are just one person, and doom scrolling through bad news will not actually help you make any real changes.
Nurturing Your Connections
We know from years of evidence and lived experience that human connection is vital to physical and mental wellbeing. We also know that a supportive community becomes even more vital during difficult times. However, reaching out to others can often feel the most difficult when we are struggling the most.
How do we nurture our connections with loved ones when we have little to no social energy? How do we honor our unique capacities while maintaining supportive relationships?
Low-Energy Connection Ideas
Schedule a "parallel play date” with a friend where you're both just doing your own things in the same space, whether virtually or in person. Share memes or TikToks that made you smile. Send a voice message instead of typing long messages. Create a group chat specifically for sharing good news, no matter how small.
Supporting Without Depleting
Supporting each other doesn't have to mean emotional heavy-lifting for everyone involved. Sometimes it's as simple as saying, "I don't have solutions, but I'm here with you in this." Or "Can we trade 20-minute vent sessions today where we just listen to each other?" Practice letting others share their feelings without taking them on as your own.
Creating Seasonal Rituals of Care
As the world shifts from winter to spring, we can take the opportunity to create intentional practices that honor this transition and provide structure for our self-care. In church, springtime and Easter were about celebrating the resurrection, but now it can be about your own rebirth and renewal in ways that feel authentic to you.
Embrace Growth and Renewal
Plant something, even if it's just a small pot of herbs on your windowsill. Open windows to let fresh air circulate through your space. Create a seasonal “altar” with objects that represent what you'd like to focus on this season.
Make (Literal) Space for Growth
Take a day to declutter one small area of your home or room that's been bothering you. Start a "good things jar" where you place notes about positive moments to read later. Reimagine spring traditions that once had religious meanings into personal rituals that celebrate your own growth and transformation.
Resistance Through Rest
In a world that often seems designed to wear us down, especially those of us who exist outside the cishet, religious mainstream, taking care of yourself isn't selfish. It's a revolutionary act. Every time you listen to your body's needs, honor your emotions, set a boundary, or connect authentically with your community, you're engaging in an act of resistance.
You don't need to tackle everything at once. Choose just one small practice from this post to try today. Maybe it's taking three intentional breaths, texting a friend, or simply standing barefoot in the grass for a moment.
And remember, you don't have to navigate these challenging times alone. Reaching out for support is an act of self-care too, whether it's to a trusted friend, a support group, or a therapist who understands the unique challenges of being queer and ex-religious. Connection is often where healing begins.
The art of survival isn't about gritting your teeth and powering through. It's about learning the delicate balance of knowing when to fight, when to rest, when to speak, and when to simply breathe. And in that balance, we find not just survival, but the possibility of thriving – even in chaotic times.
